somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
