I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
