I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
