I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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