Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
