I feel like I'm in dance class right now
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
