On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
