sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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