I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
