it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
