guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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