Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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