your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
