Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
