You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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