I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
