I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Randomize
