girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
