so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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