we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just gargled with NyQuil
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
