I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He felt like a one man threesome
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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