It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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