you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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