Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
They took my balls.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
