More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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