just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
