Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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