i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
