I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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