I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
why do cheetos always look like penises
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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