tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
