is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
