The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize