i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Mom said you looked used
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
