AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
