Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize