Plan B is the new Plan A
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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