Define "chronic" masturbator.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
ttyl tear gas
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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