I wish I could teleport
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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