the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
