wrigley field is MILF paradise
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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