So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
