So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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