see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
