It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
