he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
