a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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