I'm laying in your front yard are you home
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
