my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
