he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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