When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
