just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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