I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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