My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
