careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
