Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I cut my penus on the lid.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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