Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
