And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
