Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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