i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
