i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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