Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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