What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
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