she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
