I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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