In the future we'll all be gay
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
