He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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