1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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