She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
you had me at cake vodka
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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