Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Randomize
