I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
