You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
