I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
